Here is a list of things never to say during a VC Presentation
1. Everyone is our customer – This is never ever true. Figure out the Market Size and your customer demographics. Give numbers and a good idea of what your customer is like.
2. We will kill the competition – Yeah? Unless you are Rambo reincarnated as a scrappy Startup you won’t kill anybody. Facebook has taken years to ‘kill’ Myspace. Don’t say it because you can’t prove it.
3. We will win because of First Mover Advantage – It’s obvious you haven’t done your homework or been in the real world. This statement is inexcusable. Being a First Mover means you are developing the market, educating partners, customers, developing standards, making mistakes and hiring expensive manpower… all by yourself. Except for a few cases, this is not an advantage.
4. We want to grow from 1 store to 3 stores in 5 years – VC investors want you to think Big because they make money only when you grow fast and grow well. If your goals are modest, you will put them off because then even if its a sure-shot idea, it makes no financial sense to them.
5. Exit Strategy? Only IPO – A miniscule number of startups end up living through a public offering in the world. To bet that you are one of them, is going against probability. Even if in your heart you know that you will make it to an IPO (and gut instincts count for a lot) you should be able to underline viable alternatives to your prospective investors.
6. We need $10 Million…because it’s a nice round figure – Please tell them why you need the money, how much, when and what you want to do with it. Don’t just put it there because it looks good.
7. We will promote our product/Service using ‘Word-Of-mouth’ – No one has ever been able to control this force of nature called ‘word-of-mouth’. How can you claim to use it for your goals? ‘Word-of-mouth’ is the final result of your marketing/promotions, it is not a promotion activity in itself.
8. Customers will shift as soon as they see our cutting edge technology –Apple makes better laptops than most other players. So even though it is known and respected as such, you don’t see people dumping their netbooks/laptops in dustbins for the Macbook Air. It takes more than just a better mousetrap to get things going.
9. We are technical guys and we will hire people for sales after funding – If you aren’t doing selling on your own, you should plan on getting a senior guy as part of the core team to handle Business Development and Sales. However, if none of you takes ownership for sales in your startup, then investors will have a hard time figuring out how you plan to convert your product/services into hard cash.
10. We don’t have a product/service yet – Then don’t ask them for money. They want to see proof of concept. (Admittedly some angel investors and VCs might still invest)
11. We will start as soon as we get funded – An extension of the above statement. If you haven’t started then why will VCs invest on the basis of your Powerpoint Slides?
12. We have no competition – If you say this… Then you are an idiot. There is a famous example related to this statement. When the first Insurance company started working in India, they had ‘No Competition’. But then why didn’t they capture the market without any issues. Till date the Indian customer shies away from Insurance. The answer is because LIC had a big competitor. It was God. The customer’s intrinsic belief that God will look after him, negated the value of an insurance scheme. You always have competition.
13. 2 line definition for my Product? Ah… it’s a little more complicated than that – Albert Einstein answers this one – “You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother”. VCs think of it in the same way. Customers definitely behave like Grandmothers.
14. I don’t really have a presentation ready but… So you aren’t prepared? Too bad. We may have still been interested had you just discussed the concept with us, but the fact that you aren’t prepared at all, puts us off.
15. We will keep our customer acquisition cost low by using Social Media – Social Media is a difficult to crack medium which has been capitalized by major brands like Axe, Coke, Pepsi etc who spend big dollars on creating great social media experiences. If you think its low cost, then you are going to be ineffective at best and shoddy at worst.
16. We have a better product/service because we sell it cheaper – Subhiksha sold stuff cheaper than other stores. Look what happened to them. You should be able to communicate Benefit and Value offered to your customer and to the investors. Just because you make a handbag which is cheaper than Gucci doesn’t mean it will sell better. Point – Don’t play on the price, but on the value/benefit even if it is related to the price.
17. We will outsource the (Core Part) of our Idea – That’s just dumb, you have to prove how you will own, grow and execute the core part not outsource it because it is painless. That’s like Apple deciding to outsource the development of the Mountain Lion OS to Infosys.
18. Our competition numbers aren’t relevant because we have a vastly different product – Your competition is always relevant in some way or the other. It’s only by using their numbers that you can build projections, costs, standards, salaries, market assessments. Not being intimidated is great. Not acknowledging or being aware is a sin.
19. We are infinitely scalable – Everything is infinitely scalable given the right resources. Just like how your foolishness is infinitely scalable with the right exaggerations. While your idea may be scalable because you have a web based business or a mobile app, you need to underline the related investments for that scalability.
20. Me Me Me Me Me… The best way to turn off VCs is to go on to monologue mode about yourself/your team and how you are God’s Gift to mankind. They are interested in you, but aren’t going to be partners in your endeavour to startup narcissism.
21. We don’t really understand the finances yet –Then be prepared. Don’t go in without the numbers. Hire a CA if nothing else.
22. Our Sales in year 1 will be $1 Billion. Why? Because its common sense – In the 1940s most Germans thought that they, the Aryan race, were the most developed race on earth. Why? Because it was common sense. Some things, which you may take for granted, may not make much sense to the VCs. Please backup whatever you state with plausible numbers and facts.
23. We only need your Money – That’s what Newbies do. Sure, you primarily need the money to make your Startup grow and prosper. But for VCs, many of whom expect to be in the thick of things, this is like a red flag.
24. Let me tell about how AWESOME the internet is – Don’t start off/bore them with the obvious stuff. They know that clean tech, internet, web 3.0, eCommerce, Mobile Apps, Cloud technology etc is hot and amazing. They probably know the contours better that you. Don’t waste their time or test their patience.
25. And as you can see on Slide No. 137… No point, they slept off/were brain dead by slide 15. Please follow Guy Kawasaki’s 10/20/30 rule.
26. I am sorry I am late – We are sorry we are no longer interested. (Please never ever be late, unless you lose your arm on the way)
27. This presentation will only take 10 minutes (and then go on to 90 minutes) –Be truthful in the real sense and don’t expect them to be comfortable with IST (Indian Stretchable Time).
28. I know Bill Gates very well – Don’t drop names. And if you know Bill Gates then ask him if I can get a discount on the XBOX 360.
29. You Guys? No I don’t know what you (The VCs) are all about – Insulting. But more than that it shows you just aren’t aware enough or care enough to google them.
30. There are really no major risks here –Bullshit! In that case Banks should be running after you to offer loans. There are always risks and you should be honest enough to acknowledge them. The investors will find it difficult to trust you and your intelligence if you don’t.
31. As you can see on this slide… no… sorry it’s the other slide… – Major turn off. You aren’t prepared well enough.
32. Knock Knock…who’s there… – While a little humor is a great thing, especially for ‘bored-out-of-their wits’ investors/VCs, no one wants to invest in a Joker.
33. Excuse Me. I need to go pee – You will pay for breaking the momentum. VCs, due to their profile and time constraints have major ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) issues.
34. Today we are here… to Blow your mind! – Even if you have that one Idea which will change the world, this statement ensures that VCs will no longer be surprised. So unless you have suddenly invented time travel, conducting safe nuclear fusion in your bathtub or have figured out what women really want, stay away from it.
35. Let us begin with the Definition of Marketing – No, this is not college, you don’t get marks for the definition. You get funding for changing the world. Keep it nice and meaty.
Startup Yapper 
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